Tuesday, 10 April 2012


Photo courtesy of weheartit.com
 A couple of years ago I had an operation that did not go as planned and had a second operation 3 days later. That one lead to 2 weeks in Intensive Care. This is what happened as I was coming around after the operation. (This probably only took a couple minutes but it felt like hours. And it was real to me, there was no doubt in my mind.)

I was slowly coming out of the fog. You hear that a lot -- coming out of the fog. That's exactly what it's like. Things come into focus slowly. I'm not walking though, I'm floating -- swimming -- upwards, toward the light.

I remember feeling sooo comfortable -- warm and cozy. I had never felt so comfortable in my life! Aaahh .... Huh? What the...? My back! -- feels -- gooey! It's melting into the mattress! OhmyGod! I'm becoming part of the mattress! How can this be happening? It can't be! But it was. I was fully awake now -- and starting to panic -- This is not right! Where am I? I gotta get outta here!
I tried to get hold of myself. I started looking around. Everything was in sharp focus. The room was sterile -- bright, white and -- huge! Row after row of beds -- white, sterile beds with white, sterile sheets ... and every last one of them empty! I was alone... alone and insignificant in this cavernous white room.

This isn't right at all. I knew I was in a hospital, I was pretty sure I had just had an operation, there was no pain or other evidence of it, though.

Where was everybody? There was no one in sight, no movement, no noise. No noise! No hospital sounds at all! There's always hospital sounds. You can't get a good night's sleep in a hospital because of all the hospital sounds. This felt so wrong. I could feel the hair starting to raise on my arms... and they were so cold. I was becoming very afraid.

Ok, calm down. I tried to calm myself. I kept wavering between  panic, incomprehension and dead calm. There should be nurses .... or a doctor. (I was calm) Where are the nurses? (panic starting again). Someone! Anyone! Silence. (incomprehension).

I tried to move but couldn't. What the...? Oh yeah, I'm turning into a mattress. (that's crazy). It's happening, do something! Jeez this isn't happening. (It's happening).

I tried to scream but there was no sound. I tried again. That's when I noticed the tubes. They were shoved down my throat, choking me. Why would anyone shove tubes down my throat? There were two! I could feel them! They were big and I was choking on them! Jeez Louise, where is everybody? They left me here to die! Why, why, why?? Oh God, I'm choking! I'm choking! Get hold of yourself!
I started to calm down a bit, so I could think. It's really hard to think when you're panicking.

If there were people around, I know they would help me. So what happened to them? Something happened to them. Then it hit me. I knew exactly what happened .... and the strange thing was .... I wasn't surprised. Oh, it scared the crap out of me but once I accepted it as truth I wasn't surprised at all.

The robots had taken over. It had finally happened. What timing! They just had to wait until I was prone and defenseless to do it! Great! They took over the hospital and now they were going to kill me. (I was wavering again). Robots! (I felt a sliver of anger ... and insanity). Damn robots! And I know what they look like, too! Just like WALL-E.'s girlfriend. But they weren't like her. She was nice. They were not. Oh, I had it figured out now. I wasn't gonna stick around and let them kill me. I was gettin' outta here! Now!

First thing -- get the tubes out. Then I remembered I was choking. Oh yeah. Why would they kill me that way? What a stupid way to kill someone! Stupid robots! I had to get them out! A quick yank should do it. There was a tiny thought saying that pulling them out would somehow be bad for me. Yeah, right! How could pulling them out be bad when leaving them in would kill me. I would pull them out and make a run for it.

I reached up to grab the tubes and -- nothing. I couldn't move. What the ....? Dammit! They had strapped me down! They were either smarter than I thought or ... a lot more sadistic! Oh God! I was screaming! ... but only in my head. I started to struggle, wildly... thrashing and kicking! I had to get outta here!

There was movement... just at the edge of my peripheral vision. It was behind and to the right of me. I stopped struggling, laying there quietly. It moved further into my line of sight. It was a robot! I startled struggling again -- big time! My heart was gonna jump right out of my chest! I don't wanna die! I was gonna .... but I didn't want to! Oh God, ohgod, ohgod!

"Janyce? Janyce!" What? Why was it saying my name? Why would it know my name? "Janyce, you're alright. Calm down. You're ok." Why was it being nice? Nothing made sense. I was so confused, couldn't grasp it.

I had stopped struggling, I was staring at it. Couldn't take my eyes off it. It was changing. The robot was changing! I could feel the room shrinking. The robot -- it was -- a person! A lovely, beautiful person. An angel with a warm, comforting smile! A nurse! My nurse! It was warmer now, better. There were muffled noises ... voices and people and sounds -- glorious hospital sounds!

"It's ok, Janyce, You're alright. We've been here all along. You were out for quite a while." Oh, thank goodness! I was in a bed, a normal hospital bed with a normal hospital mattress that was just a mattress and nothing more.

I was awake now, really awake. Everything would be fine. I was warm and comfortable ... and kinda tired. I was drifting away ... softly ... into a lovely, dreamless sleep.

Photo courtesy of thecoolhunter.co.uk

(Photos courtesy of weheartit.com, wallethemovie.wikia.com and thecoolhunter.co.uk)

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