H is for HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY CAT

Happy Cat

 We love our cats and want them to be happy. Inexperienced cat "owners" (I know, you don't 'own' a cat, but that's another story). Anyway, inexperienced cat "owners" may be unsure how to make their cat happy. Don't worry. She will teach you. I will outline the most commonly used methods for most lessons. Experienced "owners" know just how effective they are.

Let's take food, for example. Your kitty likes HER food. Do not change it! She will not eat the new food, she will not like it, she will be UNhappy! She will have to teach you. The lesson begins:

The Stare - She will sit by her dish and stare at you. She may throw in an encouraging meow 'cause she's hoping you just made a mistake. She will not eat the new food. If, at this point, you put HER food in the dish she'll be happy and the lesson will be over. If not, she'll move on to Stage 2.


The Weave - She will now start weaving around your feet, looking up at you friendly-like. She's not so sure about your intelligence now but she'll give you another chance. She won't wait long. She will not eat the new food. Her meows are becoming more demanding. She continues to weave but she will now try to trip you and make it look like an accident. If you still don't get it she will move on to Stage 3.


The Transporter - She will follow you everywhere. She will not use her feet. She will not move a muscle, she doesn't have to. She can transport herself. She will not utter a sound. She will adopt the Egyptian-Cat-Pose: Sit upright, head held high, tail wrapped around her feet and put on the "you-are-beneath-me" stare. You will see her wherever you are, whenever you look up, she will be staring at you. The pose always stays the same. She has begun transporting. Zzztt ...in the living room, zzztt ...  in the bedroom. Always staring. Zzztt ... on the stairs, zzztt ... in the bathroom. She will not eat the new food. Zzztt ... on the couch, zzztt ... on the stairs. She is patient. She can do this for hours. Zzztt ... in front of the tv .....

By now you should be back from the store with HER food. She is happy again -- and you can relax. You will not have to endure Stage 4.